Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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