i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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