i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
