My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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