he thought i was a dude.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
