Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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