apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
