oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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