i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Congratulations! We have a period
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
