I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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