apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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