I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
