How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize