quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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