Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
