i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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