I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sarcasm needs its own font
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
