i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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