he puts the penis in happiness.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
