i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize