You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize