Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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