Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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