i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
