He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
