That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
