So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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