She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
