He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
