Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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