My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
