You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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