I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
