My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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