She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
