mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
