She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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