My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My feet surprised me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
