note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
