You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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