peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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