I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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