hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
