we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
