i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
FUCK WHALES
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