Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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