You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
