i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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