i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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