You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize