I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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