People with herpes should wear stickers.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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