he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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