I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
