totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found puke in my bra..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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