There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
