Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I love you.
Bad choice
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
