dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
