ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
