watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
