are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
