and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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