Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
