when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
