I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
