it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
