We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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