Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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