I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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