Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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