she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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