found the other keg... it's in the tree
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
