used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
