I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I am morally bankrupt
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
