you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
